Co-Parenting Outside the Box: Respect, Balance and Stability

When the Australian Financial Review recently shared a piece of my story, the headline focused on the cost of living. But what I really wanted to shine through was something more personal: how my ex-husband and I have built a practical and unconventional co-parenting arrangement.

Divorce is never easy. It’s emotional, complicated, and often leaves people on the outside a little curious or even confused about your choices. For me, being both a mum of three and the director of Katie J Design and Events, I knew I wanted stability, security, and freedom for my kids above all else. That meant finding a way to move forward with respect, practicality, and a bit of creativity.

Our Approach to Co-Parenting

When we separated, we made a decision that surprises people: we chose to remain on the same property, but in separate homes. He lives in a granny flat separate to the main house. The girls have external access from their rooms, which works perfectly for weekends when they’re heading out, or for a goodnight kiss before bed. It also means he can organise any clothes or belongings they may need on his weekends, that they have one bedroom with all of their keepsakes, and that they can have school friends over to visit no matter which parent’s weekend it is.

This setup gives our children one home base, with the flexibility of having both parents nearby. They don’t need to pack bags or move between houses, they just get to live their lives.

The Practical Side

Yes, the cost of living is definitely a factor, as it is for most families. But it’s also about practicality. We don’t save on immediate costs like food, water, or electricity; those are still being consumed.

If he had to rent separately, he’d need a bigger place for the kids, and we’d have to duplicate everything. This way, we don’t need to buy double the books, art sets, sports gear, or play equipment. The kids don’t need to cart their things back and forth, and they always have what they need.

Working together in this way cuts down on unnecessary costs and stress, and more importantly, it means the children benefit. Just as important, we’ve set boundaries and stick to our agreements, which is what keeps the arrangement running smoothly and fairly.

Respecting New Relationships

Another key part of our arrangement is respecting each other’s lives moving forward. As adults, we set the tone. When we show respect, our kids learn respect.

That includes new partners, and also extended family. For example, my eldest children have grown up with my ex’s family as their grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins. Those relationships matter, and living close by helps keep those connections strong.

My ex's girlfriend braids our daughter's hair, and even bought her a thoughtful gift on mother's Day, and I think that's pretty special. These little gestures show how children naturally respond when they see kindness, not conflict.

My children are free to build their own bonds naturally. Kids can feel when there’s kindness and acceptance, and that flows into how they respond.

How the Kids Feel

Miss 14, who has grown up with my ex’s family as her grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins, is a teenager with her own life. She loves online gaming with friends and heading to the theme parks. Our setup allows her to enjoy that independence without being shifted from house to house. At the same time, she can join in family barbecues or outings with her sister when she wants to.

For our youngest daughter, it means access to both parents, no disruptions to their routines, and a strong sense of home. They feel secure knowing that mum and dad are both nearby.

The children are free to make their own choices, and that’s what matters most.

Making Space for Work and Life

Our arrangement also helps us navigate work and social schedules.

As part of our agreement, I can attend networking events, my creative club, or workshops in the evenings when needed. As long as I give notice and stay within the boundaries we’ve set, he looks after the kids, makes sure they eat the dinners I’ve pre-prepared, and makes sure that they're settled in for the night.

That balance means I can continue to grow Katie J Design and Events while knowing the kids are safe, comfortable, and well cared for.

Looking Ahead

Our arrangement won't last forever. Life changes and circumstances shift. But for now, it works. It keeps our kids stable, reduces stress, and allows both of us to move forward with respect.

If you’re going through a separation, my encouragement is this: create what works for your family, even if it doesn’t look “normal” from the outside. Respect where you can, focus on what benefits the kids, and remember that love and stability matter most. I know this is not always possible; my first marriage was a very different experience, and I feel for those going through a difficult time.

Final Thoughts

Co-parenting after divorce isn’t easy, but it doesn’t have to be destructive either. With respect, balance, and a practical approach, it is possible to raise happy kids while moving forward in your own lives.

A small lesson I often come back to is one I shared with my middle daughter a few years ago. We were discussing how important it was to get along with her high school teachers, even the ones she didn’t like. She rolled her eyes, and it occurred to me how hard that really is to do. So I decided to show her how. Our kids are watching us every day, and it’s up to us to show them how to choose respect and kindness.

And if sharing our story helps even one family to see that there is a positive path forward, then this has been worth sharing.

Beautiful images by Photographer, Paul Harris.
With thanks to journalist Michelle Bowes and the Australian Financial Review for sharing our story.